Last week we talked about Burnout as the "Tip of the Iceberg" - an outcome that could be the result of one, two or perhaps many causal factors that lay beneath the surface.
So in today's edition of Refuel Your Fire, we're going to explore more about the wounded inner child and how to nurture our inner child.
Please note: This topic can be a heavy one and may stir up some emotion - so take your time to read this. Find a quiet space and if you're feeling overwhelmed by emotion have a break and concentrate on taking some deep belly breaths, in through the nose for four and out through the mouth for 8 ❤️
7 Archetypes of the Wounded Inner Child
The idea that unresolved childhood issues impact our behaviour as adults is almost as old as the field of psychology itself. However it wasn't until the 1980s and 90s that the term "wounded inner child" became popular.
This theory suggests that the experiences, traumas, and unmet needs from early childhood can leave deep emotional wounds that result in a number of beliefs about how we deserve to be treated, what we must behave in order to be valued and loved by others.
A useful way to start recognising these patterns of belief and behaviour within ourselves is through the 7 archetypes of the inner child - note, you may connect with the feelings and experiences of more than one archetype.
1. The Abandoned Child
This archetype represents individuals who experienced neglect, rejection, or emotional abandonment during childhood.
They may struggle with feelings of loneliness, insecurity, and fear of being left or unloved as a result they believe they must be overly dependent or reliant to receive love.
2. The Invisible Child
This archetype refers to those who felt ignored, unseen, or unimportant during their upbringing.
As a result, they may have developed a belief that their needs and feelings don't matter, leading to issues with low self-esteem and difficulties asserting themselves.
This archetype believes they must be self-sufficient and not "bother" others to receive love. They may suppress their emotions and needs to avoid inconveniencing others.
3. The Dependent Child
This archetype represents those who may have grown up in an environment where they were overly sheltered or lacked opportunities to develop independence.
As adults, they might struggle with decision-making, self-reliance, and setting healthy boundaries. They may feel anxious about making decisions or being independent.
As a result they believe they must comply with others' wishes and not assert themselves to receive love.
4. The Rejected Child
This represents individuals who experienced consistent criticism, rejection, or feelings of being unlovable during childhood.
As adults, they may carry a deep sense of unworthiness, struggle with self-acceptance, and have difficulties forming meaningful relationships.
The rejected child believes they must strive for perfection and seek approval to receive love. They might feel unworthy of love and acceptance and constantly seek validation from others.
5. The Enmeshed Child
This archetype relates to individuals who had overly enmeshed or overbearing parents, blurring the lines between their own identity and their caregivers'.
As adults, they may experience challenges in establishing autonomy and maintaining healthy emotional boundaries.
The enmeshed child believes they must sacrifice their own needs and identity to please others and receive love. They may struggle with setting boundaries and have difficulty recognising their own wants and desires.
6. The Neglected Child
This archetype refers to those who experienced emotional or physical neglect during childhood.
They may struggle with self-neglect, difficulties in forming close connections, and issues with self-compassion.
They believe that they must be self-reliant and avoid seeking help or support to receive love. They may feel uncomfortable asking for help or expressing vulnerability.
7. The Betrayed Child
This relates to individuals who experienced betrayal, abuse, or broken trust during their formative years.
As adults, they may have difficulties trusting others, struggle with intimacy, and experience deep-seated emotional wounds.
The Betrayed Child believes they must be guarded and mistrustful to protect themselves from hurt and rejection to receive love. They may struggle with trusting others and forming close connections.
What Every Inner Child Needs
In her book "How to Meet Yourself: The Workbook for Self-Discovery", Dr Nicole LePera, explains that there are 6 core needs of the inner child - Identity, Safety, Connection, Autonomy, Stimulation and Growth - the table below describes each of these needs in more detail.
Nurture Your Inner Child
As you look through the table above, you can do a quick SWOT analysis to identify opportunities to improve self-care - all you need is a piece of paper and something to write with:
Step 1: Draw your SWOT Matrix
Draw a horizontal line with a vertical line through the middle to create your four-quadrant matrix labelled with: Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats.
Step 2: Identify "Strengths" or "Weaknesses"
Categorise the core needs from the table above - the needs you are currently meeting go into the "Strengths" quadrant whilst the ones that aren't being met will go into the "Weaknesses" quadrant.
Step 3: Identify Opportunities
In the "Opportunities" Quadrant, brainstorm ideas for the actions you can take to address each of the needs in the "Weaknesses" quadrant.
You can also ask yourself:
What are my SMART goals?
What barriers will get in the way of me achieving these goals?
Do I need tools or external support to help me achieve this?
Step 4: Identify your Threats
In the "Threats" Quadrant, write down the barriers that may get in the way of you continuing to address the needs in the "Strengths" quadrant. Then, looking at your "Opportunities" quadrant, write down barriers that may get in the way of you implementing the opportunities you've identified.
In this newsletter edition we've started to address the deepest layer of our "Burnout Iceberg" and in my next article we'll continue to work our way back up through the layers of our iceberg and explore how addressing the core needs of your inner child will help you in real-life situations.
Loz :)
Ps. Please remember that help is available and there is no shame in needing it or asking for it.
If you need support don't hesitate to contact Lifeline: 13 11 14 or send an SMS to: 0477 131 114