Emotional Regulation And The Authentic Self
Discover the importance of emotional regulation in expressing your true self
Hello, hello, hello!
In the last edition of my newsletter we took a look at the 7 archetypes of the wounded inner child and the core needs that we must address in order to nurture our inner child.
Today we're going to explore how we can embark on this journey of self-discovery and look at the tools we can use to develop emotional awareness and emotional intelligence.
To make the benefits of nurturing your inner child a little more concrete you can compare the tables below.
The first table outlines examples of how we may respond to situations when our wounded inner child's unmet needs continue to go unmet and can lead to decisions that deplete our fuel.
The second table demonstrates how our response may change when our inner child's needs are recognised and valued so that we can act to meet them.
Emotional Regulation
Emotional regulation is about being the boss of your own emotions - and when I say "boss" I mean a "good boss" - it's less about authoritarian control by focusing on the rational and more about compassionate guidance that recognises and validates feelings whether or not they "make sense".
Imagine you're driving a car. You've got a gas pedal and brakes. Emotional regulation is like using those pedals effectively. When you're stressed, you don't want to hit the gas pedal too hard and zoom into full-on anger or panic mode. That's when things can go from bad to worse. Instead, you want to use the brakes to slow down, take a breath, and find a balance.
The table below highlights the key differences between emotional dysregulation and emotional regulation.
Building skills that help you to regulate your emotions are the secret weapon against stress. And despite it being so important, few of us have had the opportunity to build and practice these skills outside of being in a stressful situation itself.
That's like me asking my new swimming students to do a 400m Individual Medley Race every time they come to a lesson and expecting their swimming to improve.
11 Ways To Practice Emotional Regulation
So how do we prepare and practice emotional regulation when we're not stressed? There are so many strategies and tools out there to help you develop this skill - check out the list below to get started.
Mindfulness and Meditation Apps:
Headspace: Offers guided meditation and mindfulness exercises.
Calm: Provides meditation sessions, sleep stories, and relaxation techniques.
Insight Timer: Offers a wide range of guided meditations, music, and talks.
MoodMission: Provides personalised coping strategies for managing difficult emotions.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Resources:
CBT Worksheets and Workbooks: Many resources are available online that offer CBT-based worksheets and exercises for managing emotions.
Therapist-Assisted CBT Platforms: Platforms like BetterHelp and Talkspace offer online therapy with CBT-trained therapists.
Emotion Tracking and Journaling Apps:
MoodTrack Diary: Helps you track your moods and identify patterns over time.
Daylio: Allows you to log daily activities and emotions to gain insights into your emotional state.
Emotion Regulation Workbooks:
"The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook" by Matthew McKay, Jeffrey C. Wood, and Jeffrey Brantley: Offers practical DBT techniques for emotional regulation.
"The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook" by Martha Davis, Elizabeth Robbins Eshelman, and Matthew McKay: Includes relaxation and emotion regulation strategies.
"How to Meet Yourself" by Dr Nicole LePera: Includes guided meditations, breathing techniques and questions for self-discovery.
Online Courses:
Platforms like Coursera, Udemy, and Khan Academy offer courses on emotional intelligence and emotional regulation.
Therapy and Counselling:
Seeking professional help from a licensed therapist, psychologist, or counsellor can provide personalised guidance in developing emotional regulation skills.
Support Groups:
Joining support groups, whether in person or online, can provide a sense of community and shared experiences while learning to manage emotions.
Books on Emotional Regulation:
"Emotion Regulation: Conceptual and Practical Issues" by Adrian Wells: Explores the concept of emotion regulation and its application.
"The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living" by Russ Harris: Offers strategies from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to manage difficult emotions.
Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) Programs:
These programs are often used in educational settings and focus on teaching emotional intelligence and regulation to children and adolescents.
Mindfulness Practices:
Regular mindfulness meditation and deep breathing exercises can help you become more aware of your emotions and manage them effectively.
Self-Help Apps and Websites:
Websites like Psychology Today and Verywell Mind offer articles, resources, and self-help tools for emotional regulation.
Today we talked about the role of emotional awareness in enabling us to meet the needs that have gone unmet for our inner child.
Next week we'll take a look a closer look at the first key strategy for preventing burnout and refuelling your fire: Growth Mindset.
Ps. Since the launch of this series I've started to have enquiries about the type of work I do in this space. If you'd like to find out more about how I can help you, your team or your business, visit my website: https://www.laurenkress.com